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tabby

Tin Man

Posts: 46 Member Since:16/03/2011

#21 [url]

Mar 16 11 6:31 PM

Dear Tabby,
Why is bra singular, and panties plural?
Please advise before the upcoming surgery.  

-wireline

Dear Perv,

What you may not understand here is that this terminology works upon Heisenger's Inverse Protuberance/Amount Principle.

Given:
That which is covered by the "bra" is convex, and non-singular.

Given:
That which is covered by the "panties" is concave, and singular.

Therefore, employing the Inverse Protuberance/Amount Principle, the meaning of the singularity and/or plurality of the nomenclature is reversed.

Quite simple, really. Greow!

Tabby Bob

Tabatha Bob Cat, Advice provided since 1922

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tabby

Tin Man

Posts: 46 Member Since:16/03/2011

#22 [url]

Mar 16 11 6:36 PM

Dear Tabby,
Since you bypassed my 1st question, please answer this -
Have you ever been arrested for littering?

-wireline


Sir!

How dare you question my answerability factor!

You obviously do not know it, but I am quite busy with my normal work, and am only loaning my talents to this small forum out of the goodness of my enlarged heart.

Please refrain from even questioning my motives.

Now, because I am so kind, I will disregard your insult, and proceed to answer your silly new question.

I am Above All Laws of Man, and therefore certainly could not be arrested for such a mundane occurrence.

Do I litter?  Indeed, and often.  After every meal, in fact.

Greow!

TBC



Tabatha Bob Cat, Advice provided since 1922

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tabby

Tin Man

Posts: 46 Member Since:16/03/2011

#23 [url]

Mar 16 11 6:40 PM

Dear Tabby:
Can you not just leave the poop where it is?  Why all the spackling and adjusting after the fact?
The professional cat will lay it down properly in the first place.
Yours,
JW

-johnwhynot

Sir, "Professional" is my second middle name.

Please see the Cat Genie website for details.  Greow!

Tab

Tabatha Bob Cat, Advice provided since 1922

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tabby

Tin Man

Posts: 46 Member Since:16/03/2011

#24 [url]

Mar 16 11 6:52 PM

Dear Tabby,

     why are you called Tabby, when it is clear from your picture that you are not . . . .


     ANdyP


-strangeandbouncy


My dear AnDrEw,

Yes, it is obvious to anyone clever that I am not a common, pedestrian "tabby cat" with those importunate stripey markings.

The name given to me by my mother (Saint Theresa Feline) is Tabatha Bob Cat, quite smart if I say so myself.  "Tabby" is just a simple nickname bestowed upon my presence by the many loyal fans over the  years (since 1922).

Greow!

TBC


Tabatha Bob Cat, Advice provided since 1922

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berolzheimer

Aqua Marine

Posts: 2,876 Member Since:29/01/2011

#25 [url]

Mar 16 11 7:14 PM

Dear Tabby,


   could you tell me where all the money went . . . .

        . . . .  and where I can find some more . . . . . . [image]


     Yours in ernest,


      ANdyP

-strangeandbouncy


Reminds me of a song I helped a friend record some years ago, called "Where did the White People put all the Money?"

On a felinious note, he had a cat at the time named Jezebel, and she lived up to the title.

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strangeandbouncy

Platinum Blonde

Posts: 2,150 Member Since:02/02/2011

#27 [url]

Mar 17 11 5:05 AM

Dear Tabby,



    fair enough. I thought you might be one of those exclusive and vastly superior albino tabbies . . . .


   Yours, as ever,


  ANdyP


ps do you like to walk all over the mixing desk setting switches the way YOU want them, just before your server is about to run off a mix . . . .


      

Ruh Roh . . . . .

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tabby

Tin Man

Posts: 46 Member Since:16/03/2011

#28 [url]

Mar 17 11 6:00 AM

Dear Amp,

"Vastly" and "Superior" are my third and fourth middle names, Sir.

None are more exclusive, vast, or superior than I.

As for walking over the mixing desk, that is far beneath my ilk.


Rather, I secretly have a Frontier Tranzport, and I thoroughly mess with server's settings remotely. Greow!

TBC

Tabatha Bob Cat, Advice provided since 1922

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strangeandbouncy

Platinum Blonde

Posts: 2,150 Member Since:02/02/2011

#29 [url]

Mar 17 11 6:09 AM

Dear Tabby,



    As I am about to sally forth, I was wondering if you could be so kind as to comment, as
   one does so hate to make a fashion faux-pas


 . . . . . do these shoes go with this handbag . . . . .



     Yours, ever attentive,


     ANdyP

Ruh Roh . . . . .

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tabby

Tin Man

Posts: 46 Member Since:16/03/2011

#30 [url]

Mar 17 11 7:21 AM

Dear Tabby,


    As I am about to sally forth, I was wondering if you could be so kind as to comment, as
   one does so hate to make a fashion faux-pas

 . . . . . do these shoes go with this handbag . . . . .


     Yours, ever attentive,

     ANdyP

-strangeandbouncy

Dear AnN,

Thank goodness you asked me first.  Change immediately to the combinstion below.

And tell Sally hello from me.

Tab

Tabatha Bob Cat, Advice provided since 1922

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ssltech

Aqua Marine

Posts: 4,058 Member Since:22/01/2011

#31 [url]

Mar 17 11 11:27 AM

Dear Tabby,

How do I tell my owners that I have a catnip problem? -I'm beginning to think that they may suspect something, but it's getting harder and harder to pretend that I can live without it...

Smudge

-Keith Andrews -If I can't fix it, I can fix it so [i]NOBODY[/i] can fix it!

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tabby

Tin Man

Posts: 46 Member Since:16/03/2011

#32 [url]

Mar 17 11 12:01 PM

My Dearest Smudge,

Darling, you have a problem, and the sooner you face up to it, the sooner you can get on with your life.

That, or just give in and WIN.

The two alternatives:

A) I, in another life, have created a NINE STEP PROGRAMME just for unfortunate little Unables like you.  It can work, and often does, but you must be very very careful to never go to the TENTH step...nine is all ya got.

B) Do what Charlie Sheen's three cats have done...to wit, GIVE IN AND WIN!





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Tabatha Bob Cat, Advice provided since 1922

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ssltech

Aqua Marine

Posts: 4,058 Member Since:22/01/2011

#35 [url]

Mar 17 11 1:35 PM

Dear Tabby,

I wanna be a mastering engine-ear. -'Bob Cats' tells me that it is desirable to be "phat".

As a result, I am eating more, sleeping more, and  exercising less.

I feel I have the makings of a champion.

Here's a photo of one of my friends, working on a new invenshun... the "Variable mew" compressor.

It's almost purr-fect.

-Smudge.

-Keith Andrews -If I can't fix it, I can fix it so [i]NOBODY[/i] can fix it!

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tabby

Tin Man

Posts: 46 Member Since:16/03/2011

#36 [url]

Mar 17 11 1:56 PM

Followup question - why didn't you get my pun about littering?

-wireline


Tsk, tsk, Mr. Morgan, you human you.

I "GET" everything.

I have been to West Texas, I have been to Paris.  In fact, I have lifetime free passes on most commercial airlines.

I respond to that which I CHOOSE to deem appropriate.

I am so far above the simple homographic paronomasia it is not even punny.

Greow sincerely,

Tabby Bob


Tabatha Bob Cat, Advice provided since 1922

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tabby

Tin Man

Posts: 46 Member Since:16/03/2011

#37 [url]

Mar 17 11 2:00 PM

Dear Tabby,
What to --(do you do) with Wicked Kittens?
Thanks j

-seedyunderbelly

Dear Seed,

"Wicked" can mean many things.  Some are Evil, some merely Sinful, some positively Delightful.

Of those, the first I may buy, the second I reprimand, the third I relish.

If any further doubt lingers, please look it up in my Harper Collins book, "Tabatha's Wickedpedia."

Greow!

The Tabster

Tabatha Bob Cat, Advice provided since 1922

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tabby

Tin Man

Posts: 46 Member Since:16/03/2011

#38 [url]

Mar 17 11 2:07 PM

Dear Tabby,
I wanna be a mastering engine-ear. -'Bob Cats' tells me that it is desirable to be "phat".
As a result, I am eating more, sleeping more, and  exercising less.
I feel I have the makings of a champion.

Here's a photo of one of my friends, working on a new invenshun... the "Variable mew" compressor.
It's almost purr-fect.
-Smudge.

-ssltech

Dear Smudge,

Firstly, you may want to choose a profession in which there is a future.  I'm not sure mastering music is such a job.  Perhaps try Petco.

Secondly, congratulations on the improvements in eating, sleeping, and exercising!  This can only make you more felinonious as the days go by.

As for the "Variable Mew," I suggest limiting your comments on such matters until you are better versed in music recording terminology...this can be learned from a crash course in my School, where we compress the information into easily learnable data.  (NB: Don't drink the Punch.)

Greow,

TBC


Tabatha Bob Cat, Advice provided since 1922

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ssltech

Aqua Marine

Posts: 4,058 Member Since:22/01/2011

#40 [url]

Mar 17 11 2:44 PM

Dear Tabby,

Apart from the struggles with my own catnip demons, can you help me plan an intervention for my own friend 'Fred'?

Live long and prosper,

Smudge

-Keith Andrews -If I can't fix it, I can fix it so [i]NOBODY[/i] can fix it!

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